IC CONTACT for ximilia.

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// ziggy

TEXT • AUDIO • VIDEO

XIMILIA

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Letter, CW: Some references to suicidal ideation

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[How does this letter make it into her things? Who knows, it's a mystery. Anyway, she'll find it among her things rolled and tied with a string. The handwriting is of course immediately familiar to her.]

To the girl made from stardust, my dearest little sister,

I know, I know, this is already extremely sentimental and gross. I’m afraid you’ll have to bear with it this time, a-Xing. My goal on this mission is to send sentimental letters, but I’ll admit that the thought might have crossed my mind regardless. Fair warning, it’s going to get much worse from here.

I don’t know how this mission will end, but I know it will end, and with it our time aboard the Ximilia will end or change in some fashion. Whatever that ends up looking like, there are things I need to say to you. Things I want you to know.

Back home, I had an elder sister and a younger brother, as you already know. They were not my siblings by blood, as you are not my sister by blood, but Ziggy, you are mine just as truly as they were mine and I love you the same as if the same blood ran through our veins.

When I came aboard the Ximilia, I was lost. I was angry and grieving and so empty, so broken, I believed the only way out for me was death. The thought of being able to right even a little of my past is the only thing that kept me from finding a way out. A way to sleep forever. I’m sorry to speak of such heavy things, but I want you to know this was my state of mind at the beginning.

Living here was a matter of going through the motions. A means to an end.

I did not expect that to change. I didn’t expect the people here to change me. But they did. You did. You with your spitfire anger and your brightness. You with your teasing and your sass. You with your whole heart and a pain that was shared between us. I’ll admit it didn’t take very long for me to love you Ziggy. I was doomed from the moment we broke those dishes in Giva.

I have been so lucky to be on the Ximilia. I have been so lucky to have met and loved you, my little sister. No matter where we go from here, no matter if we remain or part, your soul is a part of mine. It will linger beyond death, beyond reincarnation as a handprint. I hope that in another life in another world, we get to be siblings again, but know that even when Wei Wuxian and Ziggy are no more, the echo of this bond will always remain.

I’m so proud of everything you’ve become. You are brilliant, you’re strong, you’re kind, and you are so good, it hurts my heart in all the best ways. Thank you for being my meimei. Thank you for reminding me what it is to be a brother.

Love forever,
Your brother and laoshi, Wei Wuxian, Wei Ying