shadysided | IC CONTACT for ximilia.

[ Finn feels a momentary stab of guilt about dragging her into voice when he hears her tone. There was real misery there; the kind that a lot of people on the mission had not been allowing themselves to feel. But…there was also a lot of misery in being left alone in it. ]

It’s not stupid…there’s a whole- [ Well he didn’t want to say it out loud, ‘a whole planet about to be destroyed’, because then it would feel too close. Too real. ] It’s…really heavy. And it’s not embarrassing to feel upset about it-

[ He thought about all the people here who were shutting it out, either intentionally or unintentionally. Some of them while they worked on a solution, diligent and focused…others while they refused to entertain anything other than a fast exit, letting callousness guide them even while they called it practical. He didn’t think that Ziggy was doing either. ]

…especially when you’re putting so much of yourself into trying to help them.

[She shakes her head, more for herself than anything Finn can even see.]

Am I even really helping? If our plans don't actually end up becoming a reality, I — what else can I even do? All these people are going to die while I get to keep going. It's not fair. [She rubs at her eyes, lips twitching at the thought of the last time she'd locked eyes with the two leaders.] ... I told them. Criv and Melis. I told them everything.

[And she's not sure if she should feel guilty or not. But she does. She feels like an absolute dirtbag with a Qiankun bag full of issues and regrets.]

[ Finn swallows, feeling the weight of that. Hearing the pain of it in her every word. ]

That’s okay, Z, telling them…telling them was the right thing to do. Or…you did for the right reasons. I dunno. [ He sighs, rubbing his face, stressed that he didn’t know what the right thing was. And he didn’t know what the right thing to say was. But if the past few days on the network had taught him anything…it was that none of them knew exactly what the answers were here. Maybe they weren’t meant to. ]

It’s not fair, you’re right. It sucks. We don’t have to pretend it doesn’t.

[ If his words sound like even more of a downer, his tone was strangely optimistic. It did suck. He didn’t want to talk her out of feeling upset about it, because he was also upset about this. And maybe she had the right to cry and yell about it without being told that she needed to bottle it up and move on. ]

[A little embarrassed still, she swipes at her face with her palm and takes a deep, centering breath. She figures Finn might tell her she did the right thing, even if he didn't believe it... but it does ease something twisted up in her chest a little more, anyway. Maybe that's just a selfish need for some kind of affirmation that she made the best choice.]

I just... did what I would want someone to do for me.

[And isn't that important? To give people the respect for agency?

She hopes so.

Sniffing, she says:]

Sorry for messing up your selfie invitation.

I think that’s…how you know what’s right.

[ It sounded right anyway. Mostly. It was the best compass they had. The only one, really.

As she continues, Finn drags his hand down his face, an unseen gesture of embarrassment, although in many ways it was more funny than anything. Of course he’d messaged her with something so ridiculous at exactly the wrong moment. Classic Finn! ]

Don’t- don’t worry about that. It was just a stupid way to kill time. [ He shrugs, smiling, even though she can’t see it. It still mattered. ] It was mostly an excuse to talk to you anyway. So…mission accomplished?

It was a nice way to kill time.

[She says it without a shred of doubt; Finn, it was a nice thing, don't sweep it under a rug. Besides, she's gotten really, really fond of how people around this crew like to try and cheer her up, even when they don't know she needs it.]

You helped out just by being someone to talk to about it, anyway.

So, um. Thanks. Mission definitely accomplished.

[ Finn finds himself grateful for the lack of video. There was no way anyone seeing his face now would confuse his expression for anything other than adoring. ]

Heh. Anytime, Z.

[ Like, any time. ]

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